An exploration of the complexities of motherhood.
|Posted on March 3, 2011 at 9:55 PM||comments (0)|
No bird flies so high that he doesn't have to come down for a drink of water.
-Old Italian saying often repeated by my great-grandmother Theresa Franco
|Posted on March 2, 2011 at 2:11 PM||comments (6)|
Mom came to me in a dream on the night she went to heaven. “I am in God’s love” she said “and it is wonderful.”
She told me that dying is just like giving birth, in that you forget about the pain the very instant you leave your body and it is all so worthwhile.
“Don’t waste too much time grieving” she said “enjoy your life, you will join me soon enough.”
“But mom” I said, “I feel guilty because I wanted your illness to be over, I was so tired.”
“Don’t feel guilty” she responded, “Life is hard, the nature of life is struggle and it is OK. I love you and I will always be with you now, especially in the garden (she loved gardening).”
The following night, while waking in the morning and feeling split open with crushing grief, I spoke to her in my thoughts “Mom, you didn’t come to me last night.”
Her reply was “Honey, if I came to you all the time your longing for me would be too great. You have to live in your world now. I am always here if you need me.”
“But mom, your voice sounds more like my voice today.” I said. “Yes” came the reply, “ because I am actually becoming a part of you.”
“Live, work, play, create and bend with the changes, even one as difficult as this.” She said. “But mom, I miss you and love you so much.” “I am always with you now” she replied, “It’s just different. You will feel what I feel soon enough. Live in your world for now. Accept the changes. Let nothing disturb thee, let nothing afright thee, all things are passing. ( A verse she often repeated to me during life.) Everything is an opportunity for growth.”
Then she said, “Thank you for caring for me in those last two months, I felt your love deeply.”
“ We did it mom,” I replied, “ We learned the greatest lesson of life, just to love and be loved in return.”
It wasn’t always easy, I thought to myself, because we are human and humanity is struggle. We are not divine. We feel a separation from God because we are in a body, but the divine and the ancestors live in us. We must remember that every day.
Erin Christa Maria 2011 (the name my mother gave to me)
|Posted on February 28, 2011 at 3:55 PM||comments (3)|
Having recently lost my own mother to cancer, the motherhood lotus sticker has taken on a deeper meaning for me. In the coming weeks and months I plan to explore the topic on this blog. Thanks for checking it out.